Those Advice given by A Parent That Helped Me during my time as a New Dad

"In my view I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly became "completely different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I handled every night time, every change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You're not in a good place. You must get support. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are part of a wider inability to open up amongst men, who still internalise negative notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a pause - taking a couple of days away, separate from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he had to make a change to focus on his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the vocabulary of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male a father figure. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "terrible choices" when younger to change how he felt, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the anguish.

"You gravitate to substances that don't help," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - a good diet, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the security and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I expressed, on occasion I think my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I am discovering as much as you are on this path."